LOVe On A BuDGET |
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asks:
Dear Mr.Peelout, how important is the blowjob, really? In that case, what constitutes a good one?
replies:
think 9/11 but instead of planes headed towards a building.....
Hayabusa asks:
I have 2 girlfriends, one who I'm in love with, but she lives far away, the other one, who's so so, but lives close. I keep fucking both of them and a few other girls, well actually I just got divorced four months ago. See I live in Japan, and here I'm an
replies:
oh i see you wanna have your cake and fuck it to.
well good luck, you probably will stay looged in with your myspcae on their computer soon enough....and youll lose them all. by the way malcom in the middle just isnt that entertaining.
dan yeagermister asks:
do you think its gay if I ask another man to shave my chest and back.
replies:
yes. it shoud be a very happy occasion for those involved.
hopeless romantic asks:
hey chris! so i got myself all hit up on this young lady type person, thought it was in the bag, and then she up and stops talkin' to me. it's been nearly two weeks since i heared from her. should i keep holdin out or give it up and move on?
replies:
when you got 5 lottery tickets...do you throw them away after you scratch the first?
the seamripper asks:
Are you mute?
replies:
yes. i mean no. i dont know.
Billy Wank. Edited by Bob Toss. asks:
Yesterday was oyr wedding anniversary and over breakfast i told my wife of 2 years I loved her.
replies:
what did you say to your mistress of 5 years?
wet_chicken_lip asks:
hey , i wanna fuck this girl , only problem is she likes stoner dick heads and marilyn manson look a likes and im not either 1 of them , tell me , how can i get down her pants ? i almost got there before but for sum reason i didnt and it baffeled me
replies:
Maybe she likes "stoner dickheads" because she likes to get high. Or maybe it's because you use terms like "Hey, I wanna fuck this girl." -Dandru
charmed life asks:
i can't hold onto a 'girlfriend' cuz every time she's not around some other chick picks me up at the bar. you know, buys me whiskey and then takes me back to her pace fer some crushin. how can i aviod this aside from bodily disfigurement?
replies:
Well, first of all, Charmed Life, if that is your real name, this is Dandrew, and that is not my real name. And I say: Girls will want you if you have a girlfriend, even if they don't know. Something about exuding testosterone or some other gland excretion. So, pretend you don't have a girlfriend and pawn the new girls off on Steve. Or dump the bitch and have a Blast!
pinkiebrewster asks:
ok...what is it with OE??? over here only 14 year old kids hanging out in street corners passing time while their parents have gone to the local pub and the over 70 bald male population drink it. so which one of the 2 do u belong to?
replies:
14 year old bald kids at the corner near the pub.
Lucia asks:
I think my b.f is unfaithful what should I do?
replies:
i smell a threesome!
blah asks:
yaddah yaddah yaddah cant get laid yaddah yaddah yaddah is there such a thing as love or is this a trick nature plays on us to get us to reproduce? yaddah yaddah yaddah
replies:
yeah but our trick on nature is birth control.
Peter File? asks:
I'm really, really interested in this girl. We seem to see things the same way and to top it off she's beautiful. So what's the problem? She's 18 and I'm 8 years older. Should this REALLY be a concern? Isn't it possible for a 26 yr. old to be on the same mental/maturity level as an 18 yr. old?
replies:
i scooped up my wife when she was 19 and i was 26. dont worry bout shit man cuz weve lucked out and got us some hot young BOO-TAY! OWWWWWWWW!
Monica VanHorn asks:
I really like this tall punkrock boy from west philly. He is super rad but very shy around girls. Sometimes I think he would rather play with his dog or collect records then hang out with me. How can I get his attention???
replies:
just tell John Paul you love him.
Metalhead asks:
My girlfriend(girl A) has a girlfriend(girl B[itch]), which is cool with me and girl A, but girl B hates that i am dating girl A. Girl A loves us both. I am taking it in the pooper cause of girl B, which blows, any advice for jealous girlfriend's girlfriends?
replies:
stop being so GIRL-E and choose the on thats best for thee....
Daisy Duke asks:
Chris Peelout, my love is away on tour and I miss him deerly. Can you give me any idvice to help pass the time?
replies:
jenga.
NinJamasta626 asks:
Chris if i want to get back with this chick that i formerly went out with, and we've been in some really nasty fights what should i do to get back on the right track?
replies:
fuck that bitch!
G asks:
How do you masterbate if your a girl by yourself.
replies:
pinch thy tit
rub thy clit
right into
orgasmic fit
Nance Insande asks:
Hey.. Umm in from New York My friends in Philly told me about you. Your guys are the best. umm do you have an Mp3 of Declined?
replies:
Yeah!
Forrest Bailey asks:
I am trying to find someone to help me start this new sourse of Sex.I want to start it in Nevada but I have no Car so untill I get away from this stupid house I am in I am screwed!I am staying at 797 Farm Road 1510 in Brookston,TEX.so I hope you write or get in touch somehow.
replies:
ummm what? ive taken to many xanax i think.
Rifenburg, Jon asks:
Hey Chris - I'm awesome in every possible way. Is there anything I can help YOU with?
replies:
yeah...actually i need to block the bathroom for tomrrows show. can you help me?
Geremy asks:
So what's with the badokadonk? I don't get it. All these guys love the junk in the trunk, yet I can deal with all the blubber. My problem is that so many chicks, in fact almost every chick around, has a fat ass. How can I get over my distaste of the fat ass so I, too, can get some more cushin for the pushin?
replies:
go back to your home planet....or stand outside the jenny craig graduation ceremony.
Cherry asks:
i'de love some advice on how to get in your pants...can i have some??? pretty please?
replies:
you gotta steal my laundry bag from U DO WE DO on 43rd and Locust......only way.
confused asks:
I have a bf who think I'm older than I really am. I like him a lot and I don't want to tell him because I'm scared he won't like me anymore, at the same time, I don't want to lie to him anymore. What to do?
replies:
dont worry, he'll get the hint when you finally get your period.
greg boil asks:
chris, i have dried up lube all over myself, but my roomates been in the shower for like a fuckin HOUR, whatta i do??????? i need to wash this shit off.
replies:
join em, conserve water....solidarity is a must when washing off the pube lube....remember the kids must be UNITED!!!
D. Ceived asks:
Is it EVER a good idea to start dating a girl again after you've broken up numerous times for the past 6 years when considering you (not you) haven't dated them in almost two years but still are friends and hang out and talk and date other people (even though you still have feelings for her?) Or is this a deceiving feeling?
replies:
hey guys! this guitar string works great even though its the wronng note.
you can get away with it for like one show. but truth is......get new strings.
Cereal Killer asks:
So I would totally bone Count Chocula... Does that make me gay?
replies:
no. but Snap will be more responsive. (so im told)
chickeee510 asks:
my dad found a magazine in my brothers car of just men, is there possibility my brother is gay? Thank you for taking the time to read my question.
replies:
hi chickee510, your dad was just trying to get his MENS HEALTH back. so yes, hes gay.
umm....duh..umm.. asks:
This Girl I've been Dating has only kissed me once since i gave her candy and a rose on VDAY, but won't kiss me at all since then, what n the hell do I do, She's really cute and I don't wanna give up. Any suggestions
replies:
if you gotta give her something to get something...your a john.
Pope Monkeybutt III asks:
I have women completely figured out. What great quandry should I ponder next?
replies:
ok, figure out why you cant get laid.
Mrs. Spiker asks:
My husband is constantly humming during intercourse, and has this weird tuna hoagie fetish, what should I do?!?!?
replies:
record it. im sure it would be a hit in the hipster community.
some guy asks:
how do i break up with a chick whsoe really into me but im not really into her?
replies:
"hey im gay."
couch potato chip asks:
if my girl calls me worthless and still smutts with me does it mean i am less than worth or that she likes a cheap hump?
replies:
free humps without any responsibilty of being worth anything?
seems your way ahead of the game. nice work.
Divine asks:
Please help me! Very thristy and in real need to hear
replies:
rephrase your question to...how do i become trusted again. answer is, it will be tough. see us at our next philly show, and we will talk.
Matteo asks:
I just broke up with my girlfriend, and now im craving sex. What's the easiest/fastest way to laid without landing DISEASES or having to sleep with steve?
replies:
easy, you just have sex with steve, but you dont have to sleep there.
Bucky asks:
So I like this girl that always combs her hair over her right eye and I've never seen it. I think she doesn't have a right eye, how do I find out for sure?
replies:
who cares as long as shes got that pink eye...or wait...
Stankster asks:
Okay...im haveing a delima. what the fuck is with all the boys diggin the stupid ass scene whores, and fake squatter chicks who live in the fucking burbs or jersey or whatnot... theyre stealing our meat!whatever happend to the real deal here? by the way...im eating fried chicken as we speak....jelous..MUAHAHA
replies:
yes i am jealous. your stealing my meat.
Cucking Funt asks:
Hey is it wrong to hit on a married man who's in a band and is hot as hell and eventually seduce him so he leaves his wife?
replies:
You know, your name says it all, your a cunt. and you can hit on a married man all you want but its not going to work. If he's that hot and awesome his wife's gotta be 10 times more. find a man thats not already taken and don't be a bitch.
slutty kunt asks:
I need to get with this guy, but in order to get with him i need to know the real name of farquar muckenfuss. can you help a Kunt out?
replies:
no
Smelly Vegan asks:
I'm a strict vegetarian. My girlfriend is not- she drinks milk- but wont swallow my love juice- what can I do?
replies:
try tick tac for dicks.
asks:
Are the Town Managers really getting back together/playing a show?
replies:
No
Matt asks:
The Budgets or sex? Visit my girlfriend or stay for a Budgets show...so tough.
replies:
Compromise-- have sex with steve
asks:
!
replies:
?
Smelly Vegan asks:
I'm a strict vegetarian. My girlfriend is not- she drinks milk- but wont swallow my love juice- what can I do?
replies:
What are you trying to do, get her to suck off a cow? Blowvine.
anonymous asks:
Lond Island, New York. is the answer you were looking for.
replies:
No. It was not. Passaic New Jersey was.
Chesty LaRue asks:
i need to know how i can get this guy who's married and already has a kid. did i mention he's 41 and i'm 16. please help mr. peelout. you are my only hope, besides the mob.
replies:
skimpy clothing, chicken, and graduate from high school.
the MAN asks:
Oi, look you fucking faggot, when the FUCK are you gona reply to the good questions, you TWAT...im gona fucking go and drink some BEER now, so you best hurry the FUCK up with it.
replies:
good question, now heres one for you:
WHAT IS ACTOR PETER COYOTE'S LATEST FILM. FIRST PERSON TO ANSWER CORRECTLY ON THE MESSAGE PARLOUR WINS OUR NEW ALBUM.
v.v asks:
when girls masterbate do they leave there shirt on or off
replies:
totally off dude....keep wanking.
beside myself asks:
why are the hottest romances always the shortest lived? i mean, i knew she was revenge for every girl i ever fucked over; but why couldn't it last? i still hang out with tons of other girls but why can't i get this one out of my head?
replies:
ah BM the question that we all ask. yes the forbidden fruit is always on the mind. well let me try this reverse psychology...
DONT SEND ME MONEY.
Todd Pepperman asks:
While camping last week I seem to have gotten poison oak on my dingle. My significant smother says she will not engage in the act, as a result. Is she wrong? What should I do?
replies:
sucks....todd it looks like your hands gonna get poison oak to.
erving chambers asks:
chris, when is steve going to write about his shit job licking your balls?
replies:
he doesn't make me pay him, so its not really considered a job.
sexxyBIOTCH asks:
i have a problem. see I already fucked steve and dandrew, but i want a go with you chris, except that your married and stuff. Should i try to get with you or go with JOE?
replies:
yeah that is a problem, you see sexxybiotch, I'm a one lady man and that ladys got one hell of a back hand. i'de advice you not to try to get with me, you would have much better luck with joe...
fukdapolicebutnotthekindwitsting asks:
ive gotten this girls phone # and got with her a few xs yet still dont know her name it seems like a bad episode of seinfeld but i dont know what to do
replies:
enjoy it while you can
Scared stiff, but not in a good way. asks:
My new neighboor keeps flirting with me. She a beast of a woman. I'm really scared that she will take advantage of me forcibly. What can I do?
replies:
let her have her way, i mean your scared stiff, you may enjoy it.
Bar Bee B. asks:
What happens when a dingo falls in love with a kittie? Will they float away in a hot air balloon?
replies:
Yes, unless the kitty falls in love with super larry dingo, then they will soar away! WOOF!
john prescott asks:
are you gay? i mean, come on!
replies:
no... your just jelous cause i got a wife and can get her to SUCK IT whenever i want! haha loser. thanks for checking out our page.
boredinlevittown asks:
hey chris!you're married, so u know how to find broads. how do i find broads? o, and do u still live at the bungalow? i've got a wedding present for u and involves both beer AND chicken!0
replies:
Its called charm. I got my lady with "you can sleep in my bed, I won't try anything, I promis..." Be yourself, and someones bound to like you. And yes, we still live at the bungalow, beer and chicken are always welcome.
jersey fella asks:
This girl that i've taken a liking too has a boyfriend. the kid sux and they never hang out. NOt sure what to do, help me out
replies:
Tell her where you stand. If she wants to stay with the loser then thats her problem and it wasn't ment to be. You will find another chick, you can ALWAYS find another chick.
joby asks:
mah b.f have french kissed other gals b4 . n i'm a newbie 4 kissin as i haven't had mah 1st ....so i kinda told him not to kissed me ... n he's been actin strangily latily is he been turned off just like that ? plz ans thanks ----> chris =]
replies:
hi joby....
always remember what i have said many times myself to cold dames...
"PUT OUT or GET OUT!"
zoro asks:
what the suitable sex positions for occurance of pregnancy?
replies:
ok i thought i answered this before but....
SO YOUR PREGNANT & WANT TO HUMP
Donno asks:
So I guess my question is, do you hate me because I'm beautiful, or cuz I'm originally from Jersey?
replies:
i was taught as a child..."never hate he who has a tattoo needle to your arm"
Hymen N. Tact asks:
I told my girlfriend that I did coke because I figured she'd want to know. Even though she does many drugs, she is against this. Any thoughts?
replies:
stay open with them.....let himh know what you do upfront...its better for the future. she likes u. if coke chages everything...you know what fuck em. the perfect girl is worth giving it all up.
chicka Lia asks:
i need to know if i should become a hot lesbian or a hot bisexual. what is your opinion?
replies:
so you havwe some choices. why dont you
1st. get a job
2nd. who cares. just remember the prenup. have your cake bought for you, recoeve it on a platter, then eat it, and have someone wipe your mouth. that will help. oh borrw some money.
chelseagrl asks:
hey chris
i have a boyfriend and i was wondering
1) why do so many guys want a peice of me NOW? and....
2)what should i do??
to boink or not to boink?
replies:
They want a piece of you because your marked teritory. theres a flag on your moon.
Ah, but the quetion, to boink or not to boink, if there ain't no ring it ain't no thing baby!
Bob Charles asks:
Hey, Chris
If you promise a girl to go out drinking does going down to the tire park with a 40 and two cups count?
replies:
if it doesnt bob....ive never been drinking.
boomer asks:
is an appropriate valentine's day date wendy's and a ride on the subway?
replies:
i hope so, thats what im expecting!
colin from the disfunctional family band formerly known as SCUMDRUNK asks:
how do i get my gurlfriend to shut up. do i lodge something in her mouth or should she shut up naturally..
replies:
well unfortunatly some girls have problems shutting up naturally....ive mastered the "nod and smile" yet sometimes they take it to far. if there mad they wont let you lodge certain things in there mouth. give them a feed bag. the answer???chicx will always eat...buy em ice cream, bon bons, wendys and last resort...CHEETOES! make sure they wash their fingers before they grope the GOODS!
miss fanny pants asks:
These chicks my boyfriend used to fuck still talk to him, I still have to deal with them, and it drives me crazy. I know he wouldn't deal with dudes I fucked. What should i do? kill them all?
replies:
killing is a viable solution but i dont know if its legal unless your OJ SIMPSON or GEoRGE BUSH. its not your boyfriends fault hes still friends with some of his old hook ups. as long as hes not still hooking up with them whats the problem? its tough i know...yet the bottom line: he's yours end of story. they obviously didnt have enough to keep him right?
BORED asks:
Chris, what is the best way to spice up a relationship that has been going on for 4 years and is getting a little old?
replies:
the low budgets have been together for 4 years and are doing great! wanna know our secret? malt liquor.
dan asks:
ever get tired of answering question? got any questions you want answered?
replies:
yes, now that you mentioned it....
What town was Daniel LaRusso from the movie Karate Kid orignally from?
1st person to put the answer on the messageboard gets a free low budgets t-shirt! LIVE OR DIE!!!!HONK!
playerhater asks:
Chris...I hate men!!!
replies:
hates such a strong word....i guess he didnt call you today after last night. shame.
bendy asks:
my boyfrines always wants to have sex, he likes doing it in many positions but I am not that flexsible since I have had our daughter. Do you have any suggestions on how to please him other ways without having to bend so much.
replies:
hey bendy! sounds like your boyfriends POKEY but your no GUMBY. its a common problem after pregnancy, heres a good resource for you: Sex After Pregnancy
asks:
why no new posts? are you too lazy? was this just a passing fad? are the young floozies lost for words because the delictible mr. peelout now has a wonderful mrs. peelout? what the hell ELSE am i supposed to do on the internet, tell me this?! steve sending me nude pics with chef every 5 min is getting a little old...i want to know other people's problems!!!!!
replies:
hey jhole being lazy is not a passing fad...its cool ALL the time...once again i delve into the inner soul of tortured punk lovers offering glorious advice. and like a weird handglider rise them from the depths of broken hearted depression to new heights of inflated ego and ill placed confidence. thats right im delectable.
lost and confused asks:
Ok so i like this really hot punk rock guy and we have a lot in common so why does he blow me off for every other girl?
replies:
do you have a tri hawk and are bi??
maybe you need a new bullet belt to catch his eye.
spit in his face, make him come to you.
thats what i think a punk girl should do.
Bob Dylan asks:
I live in a crappy town. Where should I go?
replies:
build a fort and get in it. then pretend your in the korean war. thats crappier.
Joe Budget asks:
Do I work too much?
replies:
yes joe, yes you do. but you didnt need me to tell you that! come drink a beer!
fuck hungry dog asks:
how can i becom a mormon so i can have like 8 hot wives?
replies:
oh i COULD tell you....just what you need right? 8 women yelling
"Take out the trash! You drink to much!"
you owe me.
hottmamma33 asks:
i honestly dont have a question or problem exept for this one do you think michale jakcson is gay too or is that just me??
replies:
michael jackson just sleeps "next" to little boys hotmammma33. he does no wrong, i mean if his hand falls onto the little boys weiner in the middle of the night its not his fault. its an "adventure" for the child when you swing him over the balcony.....
who cares if hes gay, im pissed cuz hes a pedophile. by the way when is it bedtime at the neverland ranch? oh i guess its when the big hand touches the little hand.
totally rockin asks:
i have a huge crush on your friend j, what should i do?
replies:
hey totally rockin', go up to him and say you love FECULENCE.
bored in levittown asks:
hi chris! ive met a lotta crazy broads in my day, and am quite enamored with them. the problem is all the cool crazy broads are either takin or lesbians and i get stuck with the
replies:
hey bored in leavittown.....saying "crazy broad" is redundant. like saying this wet water, this peanut buttery peanut butter.....but i learned one thing. to not pick up "the patholgical liar/ schizophrenic-as-shit crazy broad" dont be a patholgical liar/ schizophrenic-as-shit crazy dude,
Dandrew asks:
Deer Chris, I like this girl and she likes me so it's like whatever. So my question to you is alcohol is great, isn't it?
replies:
stop rubbing alcohol in my face.
Laura Sinclair asks:
Chris, can you be for real for a sec. Tell me how I can find true love in the modern world?
replies:
i am real arent i? laura pick up a beer and you shall see.
beer asks:
what if the boy you like isn't a one woman kinda guy?
replies:
then your not the right woman. or hes a mormon.
Inquiring ladies want to know asks:
Are you really getting married?
replies:
on dec. 24th im getting married to an amazing girl named Cecilia. take note: when its right theres no question.
hottie666 asks:
I love steve but he doesn't love me or even know me.
replies:
steve will you stop posting?
trigger happy asks:
I kicked my roommate out, put all his trash in the hallway and changed the locks (he has another apt too) he called the cops on me (they just laughed). Is it wrong to kill him because he is so damn annoying?
replies:
its not wrong to kill him as long as i get his records.
GB asks:
Is it possible to marry a bottle of MD 20/20?
replies:
dont ask long term commitment from a short term girl.
miserable bastard asks:
I can't belive i wasted 3 minutes of my life coming on this site and writing this out. can you?
replies:
I'm sure that you've wasted a great deal more than 3 minutes in your life.
Love Steve
jon pepe from the band I hate you asks:
Chris, I have always been of fan of your music. Where do you think you get most of your ideas from songs? I sometime expand my mind to find inspiration for the songs I write.
replies:
THEE john pepe!? YEAH! well john i draw my ideas upon the simpler things in life. i cant think to hard or i start to feel dizzy. so most of my ideas are inspired from simple emotions like: i have no $, girls think im annoying, my job sucks, that dudes mean, expensive things hurt me, i cant focus, i drink to much, i was an all state defensive end in football in maine in '95. you know things like that.
OH YA! asks:
Chris- I just want you to know...YOU ROCK!
replies:
mom thanks so much for the compliment. oh the cookies were stale and the sweater smelled like monkey vomit.
Concerned asks:
PLEASE tell Blaine to stay off the heroine. That shit is nothing but a trouble and might as well be called DEATH. Many thanks!
replies:
man BDUBS i thought it was a joke. im sorry you got into that shit man. you got so many friends that support you....get off that shit blaine...too much creativity in you to fuck it up. if you wanna kill yourself theres faster ways. you always gotta couch in west philly if you need a place to detox.
really angry dude asks:
Would you please fuck off you stupid twat. Your band are shit and they cant play their instruments.
replies:
hey really angry dude! looks like someone hasnt been getting laid. i will look into "fucking off" and explore it as an option. THANKS!
A.P asks:
when i arrived home from work the other day i found my wife in the bedroom dressed in a slinky see-through neglige, silk stockings and black suspenders. it wasnt long before we were on the the bed making love in the most passionate fashion , indeed, so much so that one of the legs of the bed broke. i have tried to repair the break with a variety of glues, but to no avail. ca you recomend a suitable glue?
replies:
whoa dressed in a slinky? thats kinky. did you push her down the stairs? to each his own! try ELMERS
arnie asks:
Who is your daddy and what does he do?
replies:
MIME YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Cavity Cadet Wannabe asks:
I tried to join the cavity cadets but chris never writes new articles for the cavity and doesn't update his member. Did cavity cadets die? that article was like my girlfriend
replies:
actually you know what. i met a cavitee cadet the other day and it renewed my flame for the confectionary goodness that is candy. you asked for it. gimme a few days and BELIEVE!
ricky! asks:
Chris, how many days do you wear your underware in a row before you change? Does it depend on what action you might be getting?
replies:
well sometimes during rock n roll weeekends i wont change them til like wednesday. cuz thats how long it takes to kick my hangover. but now i have this rash. hmmm better change underwear more often.
A Red Head asks:
Dear Chris...Do you prefer blonds or Brunettes?
replies:
hey baby i dont discriminate. i love all the females. espcially one right now with pink hair and blue bangs.
not Rob asks:
my question/ prblem is what the fuck are you eating in your picture, is it from HELLO New Chinna?
replies:
well what the fuck i am eating not rob is not from hello new china. it is baked ziti from hello new italy.
Blaine asks:
What's up. Thanks for playing our party, you guys fucking rocked hard and sounded great. the party was fun but i was all fucked up on on Herion, now i am in Boston living out of my stationwagon, what the fuck should i do? Did you like our party?
replies:
blaine!!! yes the low budgets thouroughly enjoyed your suarez in Brooklyn. Thanks for inviting our ghetto asses. We just cant get enough of those White Castle chicken ring sandwiches. Sorry to hear your living in your station wagon. Whoa Ive never tried Herion. Is it good?
asks:
Chris, I was using my vibrator yesterday and all of the sudden it started acting all funny and gave me the best climax ever. Was this due to the solar storm? It the sun the best lover a woman ever had?
replies:
WAY TO GO! Keep up the good work! GO TEAM! High Five! why yes the sun god Apollo Creed is the best lover a woman can get. but dont ask me...talk to him!
warren beatty asks:
i'm kinda off seeing this girl but i dont like her as much as i do this other girl.the only problem with the other girl is that she goes out with one of my friends. what should i do?
replies:
oh i am a huge fan of the vagueness of love. "kinda seeing" is the best. "oh baby im so in LIKE with you!" LOOK! keep kinda liking the girl you got and stay the hell away from your friends girl. dig?
Dandrew asks:
Chris, if you had to have sex with a monster, what monster would it be? Also, would you do anal?
replies:
hey Dandrew long time no see. Cant wait for that show tomrrow. by the way you seen that girl again? man shes a hot number. ROOOOOWWWWLLLL! oh yeah man the other night was fun when we stayed up and ate all those pills and then.....well i would do it with the BLOB just cuz imagine the sensations! but id have to stay away from the hockey rink! Oh yeah Im very anal with intercourse. i always take my clothes off one at a time and lay them in neat little piles on the ground. crazy kids.
Lauren asks:
There is this kid that i have been talken to for a litle bit who has been seeing me almost everyday he tells me how much he likes me all the time and will never ever hurt me and i beleave him but what if something sudenly changes and hes acting differnt but i dont want to call or anything to make him mad at me? what should i do?
replies:
well im always suspicious of someone that has to keep repeating things such as "ill never hurt you" just cuz it should go without saying. if he gets mad fo r merely calling him, tell him to go eat a chocona. just have fun together dont over analyze and sooner or later youll know exactly how he feels without him having to say a word.
Flyinvplayer asks:
Hey man how do i get into this big titted gorgeous babes pants. And also what do you think of gothic chicks.
replies:
Great question. Simply go into your moms closet and you can get into all her pants. Oh gothic chicks I cant get enough of that hot dark evil mysterious "i go to art school and work at super fresh" vibe. nothing better than kickin back with someone who wants to be dead! life is so terrible i got a D on my Bauhaus diarama. and Now daddy wont let me change my name to Shadow Stevens.
Broken and Cold Hearted asks:
I can't seem to feel love anymore? What should I do?
replies:
try using a more sensitive condom. if that doesnt work just give up love is for people with nothing else to do.
The Frogs asks:
Adam and Eve, Adam and Steve... which is wrong and whoch is right?
replies:
well since Eve and Steve have both hit on me...obviously Eve is the answer for me.
Joe Funded asks:
hey chris, do guys in hardcore bands get more chicks...i got a friend who needs some help in that department and hes thinking about joining a hardcore band. should i advise him to go for it, and expect some 16 year old black haired girls with lebret piercings and tounge studs to be all over him....if he can even find her face under the sideways visor....
replies:
oh man! Its true GIRLS love musicians. They just cant get enough of the rock n roll lifestyle baby..."hey baby check out this new riff," or "hey baby does my hair look good?" or "hey baby i swear we will hang out right after band practice, just sit there and look cute" "oh baby could you look a little punker next show?" "this songs about you baby, its called my future ex wife" "oh baby i hate myself" "why isnt there anyone at our show?" "baby she meant nothing to me she was just appreciating my art" "oh baby id love to hang out but me and the guys are gonna get drunk and write some new songs about high school break ups, drinking beer under the bleachers, and how hardcore was better back in the day in 97."
Hymen N. Tact asks:
I don't know what candy to bring to your halloween party. first i thought smarties, then i thought sweedish fish. what are your imputs?
I also don't know what kind of costume i should wear. should i be a fairy or maybe Mr. Powell or maybe a old man dressed as a cheerleader or maybe a pickle doubled as steve.
I need your imputs quick or my chicken fingers will expode due to too much time in the microwave.
replies:
hey man any candy is good cany unless its necco wafers or circus peanuts. you can never go wrong with gummi. actually you should just dress up as a pez dispenser then we can rip off your neck and eat the candy!
lonely asks:
So, the love of my life is always busy with his job, and he never seems to be online anymore. Does this mean that the internet is boring now?
replies:
why dont you download boyfriend 2.0 and then stick your softwarte onto his hard disk. you can isntant meassage a willing partner at HOTSTEEVESEXY69. he will be way into wwhat you need. steve doesn what he wants. you are seriously coming to lowbudgets webpage for advice. do you get the joke yet? do you? cuz see im not the one to really answer your questions. come over. im sexy on the internet. like me? ooga booga.. oh baby. touch it. like it. im serious im professional. the internet its my portal . i wanna help you. trust me ask my fine line of ex's? they will agree thhat i make all the right moves.
Wondering Heart asks:
How much do guys hate the where is this going question? How long should I wait?
replies:
hi wondering heart. just enjoy what you have. it will develop into more if you both want it to. its better to go slow. especially if both parties have come out of shitty relationships. stupid shitty relationships.
Why? asks:
Chris- what is the deal with guys and cyber sex? Is it really enjoyable?
replies:
ummmm i cant really field this one. is that sex with a cyborg? like cherry 2000? please refer to steves not having it. steves on the forefront of the sleaze frontier.
Joe Funded asks:
hey chris. all of my friends at school want me to cheat on my girlfriend and they're always pointing out girls i should fuck. i keep telling them im not like that and they wont listen. well, they listen, but they think its stupid. how can i get them to understand how i feel?
replies:
who cares what your friends think. if you dont wanna cheat then dont. why dont they go fuck themselves? thats not cheating.
asks:
I want to take this girl to Arby's for some chicken fingers. How should I approach this situation.
replies:
i would just ask her....hey wanna go eat somewhere you shit 100 times after? im sure that will do the trick...and it could really be a bonding experience for you two. CAN I PUT MY BIG MONTANA IN YOUR MOUTH!
John Porcellie asks:
Joan Jett once sang
replies:
yes i would. love is a scrapple meal.
richard morris asks:
Chris, I can't make up my mind...... get hooked on heavy drugs...... or make out with steve. any help you can give me?
replies:
well i think someone would have to be hooked on heavy drugs to make out with steve so go figure...or go ice skating.
bdubs asks:
we are having a party Nov 8th in Brooklyn and we want the lowbudgets to play. The only problem is that we have one roomate who is a giant pussy and doesnt want the budgets to play. What steps do i need to take in order for you guys to play. Is it possible you guys can do a
replies:
well see bdubs theres rock n roll, then theres not rock n roll. the low budgets really wanna play your party. if you dont want any rock n roll then we will come to just party down and not play. remember rock n roll diluted is not rock n roll at all. are you guys rulebreakers? ready to live on the edge for the moment? 10 years from now you wanna remember the party where you almost had us play? The steps you need to take is to get drunk, say its happening, sit back and enjoy the ride. Plus Steves HOT!
little bean asks:
Hi sweetie, what are your thoughts on my campaign: BEAT OFF FOR BREAST CANCER CUZ EVERY OUNCE COUNTS?
replies:
your on to something. that sounds more charitable than beat off to angelina jolie's lips. the way im going cancer will be cured tomorrow morning. 8 times.
Rob asks:
so basicly chris, you are saying poultry before pussy... right?
replies:
see rob......chicken is the MEAT OF THE GODS. girls come and go. chicken stays the same. amazing.
Debbie Fliecher asks:
Hey Chris, I am a big fan, checked you guys out a few times live. I really love the artwork on the CD. I love it so much I want to get a tattoo of something from the low Budgets. Can you give me advice on the perfect Tattoo to praise your band?
replies:
hi debbie. im glad you like the artwork. it was drawn by our friend donno the tattoo artist. i think steves face on your forehead would do the trick.
asks:
HI Lowbudgets!!!!!
replies:
yes the low budgets are high.
Jason Bunch asks:
Chris, what low budget member would you kill if you had to one of them kill them? How would you do it? How would you get rid of the body? Would it improve the band?
replies:
hey jason long time no see! well first i would take steve put tape over his mouth and tie him to a chair. then i would put a beer just out of his reach. then id go and drink the beer. then id put another beer just out of his reach. then id go and drink it. after about 10 times of doing this id probably let him back in the band.
Joe Funded asks:
what the fuck?? i leave for college like a month and a half ago and all of a sudden i get word that like all of my friends are seriously talking shit on me back home. theyre saying some dick things and all i did was go to school. should i try to make ammends or just go back home and kick their asses?
replies:
joe i know this feeling well. people just cant stand someone going to get one of dem big university edumacations anymore. they gotta bringem back down to size by saying some ignorant sheeeit....dont worry joe you know who your friends are.
Ray Cappo asks:
Chris, what is your religion? Would Relegion ever play a part in your love life. Would you date a mormon chick? How about a crazy baptist bible belt eyes glazed over chick? What if she was hot and gave you free beer?
replies:
Ray good to see you frequent the low budgets page, ive heard your a fan. Religion plays a HUGE part in my love life. i often encounter women yelling OH GOD or JESUS CHRIST during lovemaking. this is quite spritual i find. listen i dont discriminate against girls with different religions. i will date ALLAH them.
Steve Levendoski asks:
Chris, I am the drummer of a philadelphia local punk band. Last night I went off on a crazy binge and don't really know how I got home. I really feel like crap and think I did a lot of fucked up things. well, My question is, should I call the 36 year old tranny or the goat. I'm kind of in a spot here so any advice would help.
replies:
first of all steve what makes this night different from the others? and does it really matter HOW you got home as long as you GOT home? you found a 36 year old transmission?
Dom Umile asks:
What do the low Budgets do to relax? Yoga, long walks, gardening work best for me.
replies:
the low budgets participate in the following charitable athletic events:
squat thrust for midgets
bench press for sex
jump rope for weed
long jump for pills
press snooze for long nap
chris seagle asks:
Hey man, I sometimes get in a position where I turn down sex in order to eat chicken. Not all the time but sometimes I would rather have a chicken wing dinner then a romp in bed. Is this ok?
replies:
hi chris seagle. fuck yeah! chicken doesnt say things like "you drink to much dont get on that steamroller dont eat that 6th pill spend more time with me let me talk about my cool friends in bands and my shitty musical taste let me tell you how many morals i have even though i sleep with 1000 guys who play in a bands don drink that 16th beer even though i get fall down drunk all the time i dont want you eating that other chicken cuz if you eat that other chicken then you cant eat this checiken ever again i cant believe how insensitve you are how can you be so ghetto i dont like your webpage you are sick and twisted your band sucks" plus it comes with honey mustard.
meep asks:
Why am i so quiet?
replies:
you have nothing to say.
curious party asks:
what is your feeling on bros before hoes AND brews before broads?
replies:
tough question man. bros deifintly come before hoes. but once a hoe graduates to be a girlfriend who you care about being with, bros are on equal terms. as far as brews before broads? BREWS BEFORE EVERYTHING!
asks:
hey chris! how ya bin? nver did find that detroit chick, but time marches on......to nw problems. i met a really cute dame at vive la pukn in nyc this past weekend who just moved to illadelph to got to drexel. problem is my drunk ass didntt have a pen and now my all too sober ass cant remember what she said when i said,
replies:
heres the solution. forget GETTING girls numbers. give them yours. then the balls in their court.
Non-smoker asks:
My boyfriend recently took up smoking cigarettes. I told him that was stupid. He made it through 19 years of his life without smoking, why start at 19. But besides being concerned with his health and wealth, I cant fucking stand to kiss him now. Should I tell him he has to choose either smoking or me? If I do I am afraid he might pick cigarrettes and I dont want to lose him.
replies:
oh man dont give him a choice like that. i mean the smooth taste of such smokes as MAIN STREET and MUSTANGS could surely rival the love of an adoring woman. dont leave him, yet let him know you will not kiss him with cigarettes on his breath. he will definitly cut down. or brush his teeth alot.
Not Jon asks:
My friend, (not Todd) keeps telling me how sexy he thinks my other friend, (not Chris) is. I think the other guy(who isn't Chris) would be kinda freaked out! What should I tell my friend(who isn't Todd)?
replies:
hey not jon! sounds like not todd thinks not chris is kinda spicy looking. i dont think not chris would be freaked out especially if not todd is not todd. but then again maybe not chris would be totally excited if not todd REALLY was not todd.
Amanda Fuckoff asks:
why does every guy wanna se emy nipple rings?
replies:
why does every guy KNOW you have nipple rings?
asks:
Chris, I hear that every song you write is in someway about a girl. I also noticed steve proudly wearing think rim glasses. What is next, dandrew getting a spock hair cut? What I am asking is this: are the Low budgets going EMO?????? Are you guys going to sign to EMOtaph and put out an album that kind of sounds like the band Thursday?
replies:
gosh damn it. how did you know? heres some new lyrics:
oh girl why did you leave me
i totally liked your tits.
but you just could stand
my smelly shits.
THATS EMO!
Jessica asks:
Man im a single chick and i have no idea why im pretty and nice im about to give up on the long serch to find someone but man do i ever need something any help?
replies:
oh jessica....a washed pot doesnt boil...i mean a watched pot doesnt boil...instead of worrying about this. live your life. this isnt a treasure hunt. theres no time limit. my pops used to say...find a perfect mate when your 80. cuz then if they are the right one your waiting paid off. if there the wrong one...youll be dead soon.
uh-huh asks:
which low budget can hold thier OE best?
replies:
well i guess id have to say Steve holds his OE the best.....while hes MILKING IT. As far as drinking the most OE whilst rocking and rolling....take a guess.
ben feranda asks:
Hey Chris, tell your fans the biggest reason why we should fall in love with your rock star ways?
replies:
geez ben. i wouldnt tell anyone to fallin love with any of the low budgets.
Steve - alcoholic, liar, bad jokes
Chris - alcoholic, liar, no heat
Dandrew - alcohlic, liar, canadian
Joe - workaholic, good cook, nice
Jon Pepe asks:
Chris, your band did not attend or play the anti-cancer march and cricket match held in Washington D.c. this summer. Are you guys Pro- Cancer? A bunh of us what to know. thanks.
replies:
good question jon. we did not attend the anti-cancer march and cricket match in DC because we thought they were talking about the astrological sign cancer. we have a lot of friends that are cancers, so we didnt think it was appropriate! thanks for asking!
Maggot asks:
Am I the only one left in the world who feels that spelling and grammar are important? Everytime I see someone butcher a word as easy as "friend" it makes me want to smack them upside the head. Is there anyone else out there who is as opposed to horrible spelling and grammar as I?
replies:
Totaly man I feel grammer is compleetly improtant.
Fucking Single Dan asks:
My girlfirned of 5 monthes and i jsut broke up, and she won't even give me a fucking good bye kiss, is that wrong for me to want a kiss good bye? jesus she just was kissing me a week ago i don't see how it's so bad to give a guy some closure. Any ideas for getting to eat a girl out with out getting slapped with a commitment?
replies:
yeah dan that sucks. its not wrong for you to want a kiss but SHEES GONE. theres your closure. its over. which hurts. but why would you want a heartless kiss anyway. im sure you could find a girl to let you go down on her without a commitment. try friendster!
Maggot asks:
What's up with the Old English malt liquor infatuation these days? I've tried it, and I'm not really a malt beverage kinda person, but I don't see what the deal is. Mickey's is cheaper, and tastes better. I find OE to be bitter...
replies:
there both owned by miller anyway. if you dont know why Olde English is the best. then you never will. i proudly salute thee marron and gold.
Greg Tomleck asks:
Chris, I saw you on tour and I am going to tell you, you are one nice slab of man meat. So much hotter then dandrew or steve. I am going to travel to philadelphia and track you down to make you my love slave. From that moment on your song 50 cents will be about how much it will set me back to buy a condom for a nights of fun.
replies:
thanks man but i gottta be honest i like CHICKS...something about hairy asses and no breasts or vaginas that just really brings me down. good luck!!
Cindy Williams asks:
Chris, my parents found out I have been having sex with steve after school. I have been lying to them by telling them I had chess club after class. As long as I was home for dinner everything was cool. Still, now they are going to pull me out of school and send me to some private high school out of state. I think I am in love. Steve really means alot to me. I would hate to lose him. What do you think I should do?
replies:
Well talk about an after school special...ed! Well if Steve "loves" you he will come "play chess" with you in the new private school.
levittown REALLY sux asks:
hi chris! i met this amazingly gorgoeus, thouroghly cool, seemingly somewhat interested in me lovely young devotchka at at a party yesterday. scored her digits, hot shit. one problem:she just moved here from detroit and neglected to give me the area code and i dont know her last name. take into account i havent gotten laid since DECEMBER! whats a fella ta do?
replies:
aw yes the beautiful "seemlingly somewhat intrested" maiden of mystery. well if she has a detroit number the area codes are (313) or (679). if she has a local # it would be (215) OR (610). START DIALING.
crazfam@aol.com asks:
what if im dareing a guy online and say this guy and i really like each other but the guys mom duesn't want us to date what do i do? What if i feel like this guy is just lieing to me how do i find out if he is lieing to me? how can i keep this guy and i together and steel be happy at the same time? please Email me at crazfam@aol.com I hope you can help me.
thank you for your time.
replies:
wait what your "dating" a guy online...what do you do download flowers while watching streaming movies?? im not sure how to tell if he is lying...what kind of emoticons has be been sending? i mean are you guys a dial up couple or a
Cap'n Jackoff (no relation to cap'n crunch) asks:
Chrislove, i've been waiting patiently for the cavity cadets update. I'm tired of waiting. You know what they say about procrastination Chris? It's just like masturbation... it's a fuckin blast until you realize your just fucking yourself. CAVITY CADETS GOD DAMNIT.
replies:
aw yes the cavity cadets...well i was totally planning on doing another installment but i have felt completely uninspired. maybe its my diet. too many shock tarts.........mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Scotty asks:
One day, my dog went out to play... instead of gray, he came back colored yellow. WHAT IN THE FUCK SHOULD I DO?!?!?!
replies:
scotty you owe 600 bux.
brotherLover asks:
people think my boyfriend and i look like brother and sister. what should i do, break up with him or maybe get plastic surgery???
replies:
make $ with incest porn.
Unsure asks:
I have this situation where I am into this guy. I have known him for a short period of time but can tell that he is one of those suave guys that just makes you feel good. He is persistant about wanting to hang out with me and says he has a great time with me but I am worried that maybe he doesn't think anything too much different than me compared to other girls. I mean how can I tell if he has really set me apart or maybe has other girls he says the same things to? P.S. We have not sealed the deal.
replies:
hey unsure...guys can definitly push those lines.....but talk to him more seee what he really wants.....dont be afraid to ask questions about people intentions. they could be the same as yours.
SideshowJill asks:
Should we now be expecting an MTV tribute on the late Mr. Cash?
replies:
ohhhh yeah....trust me...i dont even have cable but i know its coming...tape it for me.
lauren punkrockshellshockboogerblockslipnotwuuuuuut asks:
oh and what is one suppossed to DO with a clit the size of a potato?
replies:
have it looked at.
Not a Friend asks:
I feel like I'm ready to have sex with this guy, except that he calls me his "friend", and in my opinion friends don't have sex (but I get the feeling he disagrees). However, I don't want to pressure him into something more serious than he wants by telling him that that is why I don't want to have sex. How do I get him to consider me more than a friend without forcing him, or is it ok to have sex with a friend?
replies:
whoa your confusing...it sounds to me like you like this guy and want to have sex with him hoping he will like you more. dont play that game....youll just feel like shit when he goes off with another girl since your just "friends."
fed up gurl asks:
My boyfriend can be a real dick. What should I do?
replies:
let him know you dont appreciate how hes acting....let him know you will not stay with him if it persists...faced with that he will have a clear choice...sometimes everone needs to be reminded of whats important...oh yeah...and im sorry.
oozing orface asks:
why does drunken sex always lead to rugburns? any preventions....maybe some knee pads?
replies:
do it on linoleum. or buy some less irritating rugs...
not really sober... asks:
ok, what's the deal with being in the friend zone? Seriously, how the fuck do I get out of it? I've had a crush on a friend for 7 or 8 years, and we're now both single. Sometimes I get a vibe from her, usually when we're both drunk together, and somtimes I don't feel it at all, usually when we're both sober together. what's the dealio? should I go for it or not risk the friendship? If I hit on her during taco tuesday's at Moms, do you think I'd have a better chance?
replies:
hey not really sober..you definitly dont wanna risk a great friendship...yet you might be on the verge of the best relationship ever...dont liken "hooking up" to having a relationship...i say if your looking for a cheap thrill go elsewhere...if your intrested in more then talk to her...she might feel the same way...oh and yeah TACOs always help.
chelsea grl asks:
what can i do if i cant get my bf off no matter what i try?
replies:
hey chelsea....hm could be a few things....some people are just cold due to past experiences...or maybe hes bored with the sam ol same ol.....talk to him....is he real?
intellectual college student BAMBI asks:
is it bad if someone knows youre "all about them"?
AND if drinking pineapple juice makes your secretions taste good, what effect will o.e. have?
replies:
no its not bad if someone knows you like them...unless they are a jerk or something...OE works in a similar fashion where it doesnt really matter how you taste...cuz everyone feels SO OE-a riffic.
punker asks:
what are your thoughts on chics who put out like theres no tommorow, my thoughts are they are the best chics in the entire world
replies:
well if their putting out the trash thats real good....i guess if your dating a girl who puts out for the one she loves thats rad....yet if your in love with a girl who puts out for other guys prepare to have your heart broken.
Dirty Girl (airing dirty laundry on the www) asks:
I've been exclusively dating a smart, funny, muy guapo, nimble fingered, thoughtful and very talented young man for the past five months now. Needless to say, the past five months with him have been the best five months I've had in almost three years. This young man has opened my eyes to countless and endless possibilities and because of this I strive to be a better person. So, what's the problem? Well, if the adage "Actions speak louder than words" is true I'm not sure that he: a) cares nearly as much about me as I do him or b) is just so emotionally retarded/self-involved that he doesn't realize how much I care about him. But out of all fairness I haven't exactly told him how I've felt about him or any of the above mentioned in a direct fashion. I just feel like I put so much of myself and so much effort into our relationship and I constantly have to push and I'm just so tired and quickly running out of patience and options. Any suggestions and/or comments?
replies:
dirty girl...you said you "havent exactly told him" about your feelings...what are you waiting for...until it builds up inside you then you get mad at him for something he doesnt even know? talk to the kid...let him know how you feel...and consider yourself lucky..your doing better than most of us.
some guy asks:
so now that im back to school how can i score a peice of hot ass?, or several peices of hot ass for that matter, is there anything the low budgets can do to help me out?
replies:
yeah totally man...just tell the girls you need them to sign a petition for cute puppies...then when you get their numbers...email them to me...me steve and dandrew will take care of the rest.
punker asks:
what do you think of emo chics?
replies:
they really understand the heartache that i feel deep inside....they look like emo boys. FINDING EMO is a good flick.
Pissed Cash Fan asks:
Johnny Cash didn't win a SINGLE MTV music award, even though he was nominated for 6! Should I go kill the people who took what was rightfully Mr. Cash's?
replies:
hey pissed cash fan...knowing what mtv stands for....we should be happy he didnt win...his fans dont need him to win award to know hes one of the best songwriters ever....and you know MR CASH could give a flying fuck...stupid mtv will wait til hes dead then do some stupid tribute show..while they forget about him while hes alive...typical.
Diddly-do-right asks:
But this doesnt seem to be cool with some guys. If I start to diddle after sex they get offended like Im pointing out there failure when all I want to do is get off? I would think that the guy would be happy not to have the hassle so whats the problem?
replies:
hey baby...i think youve stumbled onto every lazy guys dream....but wouldnt it be nice to if a guy could get you there? maybe your not getting enough foreplay!
SideshowJill asks:
My boyfriend acts all indifferent to sex. Im sure that its some sort of defense mechanism to make sure I keep putting out in some vain effort to "wow" him, but its really starting to bug me. Should I just lay there like a bloated corpse and mock his indifference, or try and try again?
replies:
mmmmmmm although the bloated corpse maybe a fantasy to some...it might not work in this case...i would say "hey baby dontcha like DOING IT with me?" "Cuz if not we could just not do it..." Im sure he will instantly spring back into ACTION....
Randal asks:
Whenever I see a pretty girl I get the hiccups.
replies:
thats nice randal.
one horny wombat asks:
now that my find myself with a roomie...i can't masurbate. it totally sucks because when i'm bored i start thinking about, well you know, and a person i haven't seen for a little while. how can i control my urges or hide my strokage until i can get home? i didn't know anything could be this difficult!
replies:
man i know the feeling...well if you have bunk beds it should be easy...if not think of sawdust or Steve naked...that should do it.
some gurl asks:
my boyfriend really sucks at talking on the phone. i like talking to him, but i just end up getting really angry and hang up on him. should i just stop the phone calls or just put him on "hold" (haha) for a while?
replies:
listen...unless your having phone sex...who cares...if you wanna put him on hold because of the phone...maybe the problem is yours!!!!!!
Obsessed fan asks:
Ok, I have this major crush on a Low Budget, but when I looked at the tour dates, I saw that they weren't playing my town. I ended up crying all night. What do I do?
replies:
email your congresswoman.
Joey asks:
this chic is always looking for some back door action, any advice?
replies:
back door action huh? well give it to her........as steve says you cant impregnate the pooper......well except for thats how steve came out.
Flightless Bird that Loves Vibrators asks:
Is there anything wrong with dudes that use vibrators? I was wondering.
replies:
the vibrators? wow i love their early stuff!
Boozer Breath asks:
Yo, Christopher, I've gots a problem. You see, I'm a Straight Edger who is a closet alcoholic. I am so fucking wasted lately that I can't even properly draw that motherfucking X on my hand, and my other SxE friends are starting to comment on my drunkeness. What in the FUCK do I do???? HELP!!!!!!
replies:
dear boozer. stop being a poser.
Amanda Fuckoff asks:
Why are guys sooo facisnated by my bi-sexualism? Is it really that intreguing? It always comes up when im drunk with my guy friends.... which is always. I dont even like to tell people anymore... i gets annoying answering questions when im drunk... it makes me think... and leads to headaches.... what do you think?
replies:
whoa your bi-sexual? NICE.
jellolovesme asks:
why don't cats and dogs fuck?
replies:
they do!
Jimi asks:
So, is Steve still available?
replies:
HAHAHAHAHAHA what do YOU think?
Hymen N. Tact asks:
Why are street punk chicks so irrisistable?
replies:
cuz your drunk....and her liberty spikes draw you away from her busted grill. but i agree.
Cat lover asks:
My pussy itches.
replies:
try some cat nip...or a flea collar. or just itch it.
meatless taco gurl asks:
i think my boyfriend doesn't trust me. how can i prove to him that he is my favorite? if this involves tacos, i think i can handle it.
replies:
hey if he doesnt trust you...maybe he just doesnt trust himself.....but believe you me TACOS HELP!
Let Me B. asks:
For the first time ever there are all these guys who want a piece of my ass; they are acting like I am the hottest girl they've ever seen. But I am totally unacustomed to male interest in me, and I'm really flattered but I just don't want these guys. They won't stop buying me things and being extra nice to me, why can't I just be friends with boys anymore?
replies:
welcome to adult femalehood. can i buy you a drink?
not a porn gurl asks:
My boyfriend (who will remain nameless) just spent a whole night with strippers, prostitutes and porn starts. I am afraid that he has been tempted to, well, i dont even want to think about what happened. Do i ditch him for being insensitive or do i trust what he says
replies:
well i can tell you none of the low budgets told you the truth about not hooking up with any stupid strippers....it costs too much loot anyway....i mean the band fund only has so much......
H.N.T. asks:
is it wrong to cheet? i mean... that is if your girl doesn't do that action thing? i mean... i have to get off some how and she seems not to do that sort of thing... not that she's prude... or is she? ... i get her off... but nothing in return... where has the world gone?
replies:
it takes two to do things that takes two. if your hooking her up and shes not reciprocating...your getting played BROTHER. you tell her shape up or ship out.....you aint got tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime! proof is in the jello.
lauren asks:
so if what goes on the road stays on the road, what happens at home, or out on the town, or at a bar, or a friends house, or the homeless shelter, or kmart.... stays a secret too?
replies:
lauren its just a cheap saying....if you really like someone there will be no secrets.....but rob did kiss someone..............STEVE.
confused asks:
Ok, how can you tell if a guy really likes you or basically just wants a piece?
replies:
well if a guy truly likes you he will stick around you sans humping. if you cant wait to know hump him and see if he calls you the next day. just talk to him......if he wants a peice....refer him to a .25 mm. its a nice hand held that gets the job done.
i'm really not psycho gurl asks:
Everytime i see other girls just looking at my boyfriend, i get this overwhelming feelin of KILL KILL KILL. How to i keep from ripping one of their heads off?
replies:
whoa calm down there 'roid rager. just cuz a chick looks at your MANLY MAN WHO IS SO FONZIESQUE doesnt mean anything. hes going home with you not them...so they can look but not touch...unless you wanna have a 3some....i bet he does.
Strawberry Jello asks:
So, which of you lads are single, eh?
replies:
steve dates his hand, joe dates his laptop, dandrew has his eye on someone...and im taken unless you have some really good chicken recipes then we can talk.
lauren asks:
Is all fair in love and tour?
replies:
what goes on the road stays on the road. the limo and strip club last night was AMAZING!
H.N.T. asks:
my girlfriend keeps saying things like
replies:
just be upfront man...it sucks (ha) but really its the best way....it takes two to line dance. cuz if she doesnt suck, she sucks.
eww asks:
my roommate has turned into a dirty hippie and i want to kick him out. how do i do this so he won't pee on my stuff?
replies:
well hippies dont like fighting cuz there all about peace and love....get drunk rowdy and steal his weed...he will make his own way out....
XXXmomOOO asks:
I was just wondering when Chris Peelout became a seasoned veteran of the LOVE world?
replies:
cmon mom dont blow my cover. im on top of my game......just ask any of my past or current lovers. ive got the SPICE.
burrito supreme asks:
My grandma tells me that i cant keep a woman cause i dont eat enough taco, but I go to taco bell at least three times a week. What the hell is she talking about?
replies:
your grannys talkin bout the TACO on a girl sonny. also known as a VAGINA or PARTY SLIT, women like when when men perform tongue action on it....try the alphabet method just go through all the letters of the alphabet with your tongue....then tell her your tired and to get you a BEER. Then eat a Chalupa.
steve asks:
when is steves big ugly boil gonna go away???? it's gross.
replies:
Steve thank god hasnt shown us this boil. Yet for his and whoever sees its sake I hope it goes away soon. IM GONNA EAT CHICKEN TODAY.WHOOOOOOOOA OHHHHHHHHHHH WHOOOOOOO OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GONNA EAT SO MUCH CHICKEN OHHHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAH CHICKEN!!!!!!!!DRIPPING OFF MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
J-HOLE asks:
i have a crush on lauryn, but she's a wombat...do you think this will affect my chances with her or build a barrier between us?
replies:
well WOMBATS are awkward creatures....many of us find we develop crushes on wombats. i feel you should not push it. a friendship is much more gratifying and long lasting.....but maybe try to COP A FEEL.
1/3 of the Peeloff family asks:
Why do girlfriends always decide that at least once they will tell you about ex-boyfriends or people they used to
replies:
Because thats there way of trying to get you to be JEALOUS. girls like to play games to keep dudes on a LEASH. Who cares who she humped or pumped before she knew you......unless they had HERPES.
heartaching gurl asks:
I have been away from my boyfriend for a bit of time now and I want to do something really nice for him when i get back to show him how MUCH i missed him. I wanted to buy him a sportscar made out of PBR cans, but i can't afford it. What do you suggest? Should Taco's be involved?
replies:
Hm If your going to give him PBR cans make sure there full. and YES TACO's should be involved. 3 of them. and a napkin. And tickets to a circus. and a backrub. an a Jawbreaker t shirt. and a bunch of those red guitar picks. and did i mention PBR?
wrong man asks:
so i know this chic who will have sex with anyone, for the most part, how do i lure her to have sex with me, talking to her is always bad cause she's lame, but yet so hott and slutty. how would i go about getting her in the sack
replies:
Aw yes the classic slutty lame girl. Well add lots of beer and she will be slutty in your hands.
Spew Man asks:
Oh, Chris, how I love to sleep in vomit, you don't know the joy I get from it! I was wondering, am I crazy because of this?
replies:
Yes I do know the joy you feel from it. This means your a crazy Dead Milkmen fan. I puked on a wall once and it dribbled down onto Mike Doyles bed. He was not pleased.
Mariposa Amores asks:
I have a major crush on a musician but he is gay. I would like to at least kiss him. What's a girl to do?
replies:
well see the thing about GAY dudes is they DONT like GIRLS. The thing to do is try to KISS a GUY who is NOT GAY. LIKE STEVE.
M.O.S. asks:
My girlfriend's parents caught us fooling around not too long ago and im not allowed to see her anymore. what do you think is the best way to sneek around her parents ruling. should i a) tell her to go to a friends house and once her parents are outta sight, pick her up - b) send a friend of mine to pick her up and bring her to my house or c) forget about her and find someone else
replies:
give it some time.see her when you can at other peoples house...then try to get back on her parents good side by doing something innocent..like a movie...bring her flowers.
all serious asks:
My relationship just turned into a long distance one, how do I tell her I still care?
replies:
hey all serious...long distance relationships are tough..i am experiencing the same thing right now. trust is put to the test when lovers are separated...reassuring words help the most...just keep her in your life as much as you can even though shes far away...longing makes the heart grow fonder...
anonymous asks:
I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 month's now and she isn't putting out. Please help me get into her pants! Maybe if you hold her down... or maybe if M.O.S. hold's her down... or maybe that's not such a good idea... Am I the only one that this has happened to? It's either like an old married couple or a middle school relationship.
replies:
i DEFINITLY don think you should hold her down. maybe your trying to hard...chicks stop putting out for many reasons...maybe somethings bothering her...like YOU! Talk to her man.
Booze Kid asks:
Ok, I made a fool out of myself once when I got trashed on tequila and I ended up eating dog food. Should I just stick to Vodka, or start scanning the pet food section when at the grocery store picking up drinks?
replies:
its nice to see how dogs of the world eat...i prefer dog bones myself...i dont think you have a problem til you start sniffing peoples butts.
A Cute Little Kitten asks:
A few months ago I bacame smitten with a cool cat. I pounced. He purred. But then he decided that he had other fish to fry. Ever since, it's been akward when I've seen him, particularly because I still thinks he's pick of the litter. But now, I'm in heat, and I think he may have rekindled some curiousity, but I'm not sure. Should I hang around his alley, or wait for another cat to cross my path?
replies:
well meowster...iu would say hang out in his alley til you get bored....but theres plenty of cats out their ready to purr for you...im always in heat. make sure the cats not dead though. cuz thats a downer.
interested asks:
Hey, are YOU available?
replies:
hi interested...if you mean am I available for aerobics, or a kareoke contest, or you making dinner than yes. if you mean humping or relationship...i am not...im trying to save up for x-mas.
sick of masturbating asks:
how can you get a guy to stop being jealous at another person you humped because they couldn't make up their mind....and why don't THEY just hump me?
replies:
well this guy might not just wanna hump and call it quits...if he wanted more than just a hump he might be jealous and upset you just humped this other guy...he might be dissappointed in you....there is something called hurt feelings you know.
Jocelyn(damn that johnny depp!)not a wombat asks:
i just saw pirates of the carribean, and i think i have a pirate fetish. is this normal? and how do you think i could get a guy to play along?
replies:
Argh matey I can think of many a guy that would throw on an eyepatch and play along. unfortuantly steve and dandrew are at work. maybe leave them a message. just ask the guy, especially if you have the costume...youll be surprised...
Can'tthinkofone asks:
How would you suggest letting a guy know you're not interested in the nicest possible way? There's this guy that I'd totally love to do it with, but he's got a girlfriend and he's not exactly the no
replies:
Dear Canthinkofone, I really dont think Im interested in answering your question, i mean i really think your nice and all but I dont really think it would work out very well. hows that?>!
BLAINE WARREN asks:
Chris. When you guys come to Boston i'll come see your show. Do you think i can get sloppy seconds on your groupies?
replies:
cool blaine cant wait to see you there! oh and as far as groupies go i dont think there will be any cuz there all scared of how HARD WE ROCK...but if there are you can get all you want! BABAY cuz thats how we do!
H.N.T. asks:
after you dump someone is there always that sence of you wanting to get back together with them? or is that just a rare occurance
replies:
dear HNT. no it is not a rare occurance at all..we always wanna be with whats familiar and easy...i had a house plant for years but then all of a sudden it died...oh how i long for that same house plant...yet i know i must move on...we all must deal with new house plants! because who knows the next house plant might be everything your old house plant was and MOOOOOOORE!
G. Boy asks:
I have a problem... I have been in love with my left hand for many years (which I am a lefty, so it works out just fine), and it has met all of my sexual needs... but my problem is: I am getting tired of it... I want to dump it and get myself a real man. Would any of the budgets be available I wonder...
But my real question is, which is better: Mickeys or OE?
replies:
hey there G. Boy....yes i understand the love of the left hand.i too am a lefty.but yes there comes a time when we must move on to an actual human being. and WHAT ARE YOU NUTS OE WINS ALL THE TIME!
bdubs (phatgas) asks:
Yo, i wanna fuck this bitch that lives uptown. she's got the best ass. We have know each other for a long time. She's kind of prude. Last weekend i went out fo my way to go from BK to the upper west side, when i got there she was LAME. I spent a total of 3 hours riding trains getting there and back. Should i just forget about this tight wad and move onto some different trim? I'm sayin Chris, this would be a good quality notch in my pumping latter.
replies:
hey man.damn all the way from brooklyn to uptown and NO ACTION! dayum...commuting for love is a downer...try to get her on your side of the bridge...remember you can get through to a prude, with the right attitude!
Chris Peelout is a seasoned veteran when it comes to navigating the often stormy seas of love. He has graciously decided to give up some of his valuable time to share his wisdom on topics of love, lovemaking, cheap dating, and the oposite sex. If you have a question for Chris to answer here, or if you need advice,